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six random facts: heart on your sleeve edition
six random facts that either tell you
everything about me or tell you nothing at all
(the heart on your sleeve edition)
1) I was knocked down by my first crush when I was six years old. Bo Duke, from The Dukes of Hazzard. The blond one; I had no use for Tom Wopat. Maybe it was the innocent baby face. Maybe it was the flowing golden locks. Maybe it was the way he slid through the window of the General Lee in those tight jeans, letting out a rebel yell. Whatever it was, it made my tiny child's heart beat a little faster in an entirely new and exciting way.
2) Though, really, my first true-life crush was the older boy in my kindergarten. If I was five, he would've been five and a half. I don't remember his name, but he was tall and blond (again) and my memory of his face is a golden blur surrounded by a halo of light, a five-year-old's idealization. I liked him because he was attractive, but really I liked him because he was older and knew all the best tricks. For instance: He taught me and my friends how to melt crayons in the sun, meld them together, and then put them in our lockers to cool, thereby creating a giant super-colored crayon. Truly a learned man.
3) I was sixteen the first time I was kissed. I was twenty-six the first time I was kissed in any way that mattered.
4) Over the years, three people (who were not friends or family or otherwise obligated) have told me they love me. Only one told me on purpose. He thought he meant it, too. The other two were accidental, fueled by alcohol and hope, respectively. The first was after beer and shots and malt liquor and Jack Daniels and causing havoc in a stranger's attic. The words slipped out of his mouth, and we both froze for an instant as we realized what had happened and decided to ignore it. Instead we stumbled down stairs and onto streets and subways where all amorous thoughts disappeared while he was sick through two hours and three boroughs. If he remembered what he'd said, he never let on, and I never brought it up.
The second time was with a different boy, and sober. The slip-up happened as we joked around about the future. An innocuous joke, but somehow the words snuck in and there was the slightest hesitation and a glance of acknowledgement between us. But we'd only been dating for two months, it seemed too early to be saying things like that no matter how true you might suspect them to be, so I pushed the joke in a different direction and soon enough we were on to other things.
Add it to the list.
5) Conversely, the number of people I've told I love (not counting the friends and family, of course, of course) is: One. I absolutely meant it at the time, and I said it a lot. It was only months later that I began to realize when I told him "I love you" what I really meant was "I don't want to be alone."
6) I forgive easily, and this is not a weakness.