saying yes

I hate Dave Eggers. Part of it is petty jealousy ("why can't I be at the center of a young writer's renaissance, pulling together an enormous pool of talent not just to create art but to become part of a larger community?"). Part of it is the disappointment I had after reading A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius - about halfway through it started to feel like the printed equivalent of The Real World. Too much self-awareness intruding on the sincerity, too much trying to call yourself out before others do. Admitting you're an asshole doesn't make you less of an asshole. Nor does it make you endearing. That same winking tone also infuses the articles of his that I've read, and it's not something I dig.

A few weeks ago Xian and Jay passed on an excerpt from an interview (apparantly with the Harvard Advocate, if the internet is to be believed) with Eggers, and it was the most brilliant and amazing thing I'd read in months. In thirty-seven short paragraphs he defended himself against the charge that he needed to take steps to "keep shit real," and clearly articulated concepts I'd been preoccupied with for the last two years (and particularly the last few months). "You actually asked me the question: 'Are you taking any steps to keep shit real?'," he begins. "I want you always to look back on this time as being a time when those words came out of your mouth." And boom! I'm right back in the preoccupations of adolescence, saying those words (or something similar), and here I am now, immensely relieved that I relate more to the person calling out the ridiculousness of that question (finally! dear sweet god, finally), instead of the person asking the question. What is keeping it real? What does that even mean, besides catering to other people's perceptions?  

I congratulated Xian on doing what I thought was impossible - making me love Dave Eggers. And I did. Maybe not Eggers the novel writer (I'm halfway through You Shall Know Our Velocity! and I've been mostly bored so far, feeling that same distance from the characters, that same self-conscious guard against heartfelt anything, sincerity or irony), but Eggers the man who could offer such a completely heartfelt and clear-sighted essay. He's got plenty of fans - my like or dislike for him doesn't matter in the least - but I'll grudgingly admit that, thanks to this, he has one more.

"The thing is, I really like saying yes. I like new things, projects, plans, getting people together and doing something, trying something, even when it's corny or stupid. I am not good at saying no. And I do not get along with people who say no. When you die, and it really could be this afternoon, under the same bus wheels I'll stick my head if need be, you will not be happy about having said no. You will be kicking your ass about all the no's you've said. No to that opportunity, or no to that trip to Nova Scotia or no to that night out, or no to that project or no to that person who wants to be naked with you but you worry about what your friends will say.

No is for wimps. No is for pussies. No is to live small and embittered, cherishing the opportunities you missed because they might have sent the wrong message. There is a point in one's life when one cares about selling out and not selling out. One worries whether or not wearing a certain shirt means that they are behind the curve or ahead of it, or that having certain music in one's collection means that they are impressive, or unimpressive...

What matters is that you do good work. What matters is that you produce things that are true and will stand...What matters is not the perception, nor the fashion, not who's up and who's down, but what someone has done and if they meant it. What matters is that you want to see and make and do, on as grand a scale as you want, regardless of what the tiny voices of tiny people say...

I say yes, and Wayne Coyne says yes, and if that makes us the enemy, then good, good, good. We are evil people because we want to live and do things. We are on the wrong side because we should be home, calculating which move would be the least damaging to our downtown reputations. But I say yes because I am curious. I want to see things. I say yes when my high school friend tells me to come out because he's hanging with Puffy. A real story, that. I say yes when Hollywood says they'll give me enough money to publish a hundred different books, or send twenty kids through college. Saying no is so fucking boring.

And if anyone wants to hurt me for that, or dismiss me for that, for saying yes, I say Oh do it, do it you motherfuckers, finally, finally, finally."  - Dave Eggers

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