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dear new boyfriend
dear new boyfriend,
i'm sure you will be just lovely. cute without being blindingly gorgeous; funny in a clever, sly way; slightly scruffy and disheveled, perhaps with some slight facial hair. i seem to be into that lately. i know you're smart enough to know that living the stereotype is a bad idea, and happily embrace the contradictions in people as you go out adventuring. yes new boyfriend, i'm sure you will be just great, and i'm sure i will fall madly and stupidly in love with you and think you are just the bee's knees. but i won't trust you. not a whit, not an inch. i'll try, yes, but it won't quite work, sorry to say. it's very sad, i know, but if that's a real problem for you, i'll give you a list of young men you can talk to, young men who got us into this situation in the first place.
and if you like, you can give me a list of the girls.
love,
your new girlfriend